I feel like it’s been a little while since my last post but it’s probably not been that long.
My mind has basically been filled with organising things about college and about the guy I like ( why do they take up so much space in our brains anyway? SO inconsiderate of them.) I did actually want to talk about something quite serious – about praying for him. However, first of all, just a little update on the whole college situation.
((Basically, I’m going to have a meeting with the head of creative industries in my college for her to explain alternatives for me so that I could stay in my degree but in a way that will be more comfortable for me. I’m not sure what those alternatives are yet but she’s meant to either phone me in the next few days or I’ll go in on Friday and speak to her. It’s all rather confusing at the moment and I fear uncertainty but I hope and pray that it’s all going to be ok.))
I titled this post Pray For Him because as I’ve written in previous posts there’s someone I really quite like, a lot. I get annoyed with myself saying that because I don’t remember the last time I just had some peace and didn’t like a guy. I don’t want to find my identity in a boy and I have done that a lot before. As I get closer to the guy I like now, I realise how much I don’t want to ruin it, how much I want it to be rooted in the Lord and how much I reminded by Cambria Joy (a youtuber I’ve watched for a couple of years) talking about praying for your future husband.
This freaks me out. A lot. Like.. that’s way too forward.. I’m 19, I have ages and I don’t even have a boyfriend let alone a future husband! But, the thing I’m realising is that there is no point in having a boyfriend or considering someone if you don’t see a future with them. I think I knew this before but I am so quick to put my earthly desires before anything else that that thought is suddenly covered with a grey idea of what love is. I realise it’s important to pray for your future husband and I need to not be freaked out by the idea of it because there isn’t any point if I’m not thinking about the long haul. I’m not saying that this boy is The One, I don’t know that yet. All I’m saying is that he has become something really quite precious to me and I want to do the right thing. Whether all that comes out of this is that I learn to look for the right things in a guy or that I’ve learned to pray for the person I will spend my life with, I guess that’s enough. But secretly, I quite like to think I’m praying and preparing myself for him because it feels just right. Sometimes I feel like it’s too easy and that it shouldn’t be this natural but at the same time maybe that’s how it’s supposed to feel. I haven’t felt this before. I haven’t felt like I don’t need to chase him, we’re kind of just in synch. We want to tell each other things and share our worries and help and encourage each other. We want to say sweet things and say stupid things and it doesn’t feel like I’m drowning in the’what ifs’ because although I don’t know for sure, it just feels right and like we balance each other quite nicely.
Anyway, the purpose of this post is just to remind you that God made someone with you in mind. Someone that will balance you and hold you up (and vice versa), someone who will be understanding of your past mistakes and your future ambitions, someone who needs you because God created you to be together.
I can’t see into the future and I don’t know whats going to happen with him but all I know is that I’m going to pray for us and I’m going to pray for my future husband and see what happens.
Lord God, I thank you for him. Thank you for bringing him into my life just when I needed someone to remind me what I believe and to remind me that its ok to go through hard spells. Thank you that he’s so kind to me and that he doesn’t judge me. Thank you that he’s calm and peaceful when I’m panicking. Thank you that he wants to spend time with me and talk to me so sweetly. I don’t know whether we’ll end up being just friends or whether something will happen (I know you know I hope it, but it’s up to you God and help me to trust you in that!) but either way, I just wanted to thank you for him.
I pray for my future husband, I pray that I won’t be scared to look at a guy I like with the purpose of a future and not just the present moment, I pray that he will love and seek you, that he will be protected by you, I pray that you prepare him and teach him so that we will be together at just the right time. Oh, lastly I pray he will be flattered and strengthened by this and not freaked out hahahaha… Amen.